Minding My Health

Today promises to be a big day for me. I'm going to my orientation to Drexel's Behavioral Weight Loss Program.

I'm currently the heaviest I've ever been. I blame myself for not staying in control during a combination of lots of traveling for work, wanting to try out all the restaurants in my new neighborhood, and the newlywed 15. I think there has been a 15 for everything.. the freshman 15, the union 15 (or 40!), the moving back in with mom and dad 15, the falling in love 15 (which of course, my Aaron gained and lost again), the my-sister-is-pregnant-so-I-can-gain-weight-too 15... it goes on and on!

I've experimented with a few different diets-- the latest being Weight Watchers and the earliest I can remember was bulimia. The only thing that ever really worked was when I was living in a church rent-free on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. I lived on the 4th floor and worked in the basement, so I had a very regimented schedule. I was able to make every meal. I didn't follow any diet very strictly. Basically, I stopped eating so much sugar and started eating a lot more green vegetables (kinda LA Weightloss style, but modified). I made rules like everything bagels toasted with veggie cream cheese were only allowed to cure a hangover...and in order to curb my addiction to all things bread-cheese-sauce, I limited pizza to once a week. In the mornings, I walked along the East River. Sometimes I would leave my phone in my bedroom on purpose so I'd have to run back up the 5 flights of stairs to retrieve it. I also played a game if I was venturing to another part of Manhattan. I would walk to a subway stop and when I arrived, I would decide that I should walk to the next and then the next and on and on until a few times I found that I had made it all the way to West 4th from East 74th. When it was all over and I moved back in with my parents after a breakup and the end of my job, I had lost over 70 pounds. I was pretty proud of myself.

Being at my parents' house is like a trigger for me. A how can I get as much food into my body in as short a time as possible? trigger. Why is that?? I mean, I know it's hard to break old habits, but seriously, sometimes my brain is screaming at me, "Mary, don't do it! Your belly is already full from the chicken salad sandwich and bowl of ice cream...DON'T DOOOO ITTTT!" I never listen. And the thing is, I never eat things there that I would eat in my own home...poptarts, Entemanns doughnuts, etc.

So I moved back in for 3 months and started gaining a little. It wasn't too too bad until I started working for the union and went down to Maryland and started my long stint of living in hotels and eating in restaurants or in my car. Fast food joints in Baltimore, DC, Silver Spring, Seattle and Yakima, Houston, Miami/Ft. Lauderdale, Chicago, and all over PA became my daily haunts...and every single pound I thought I had left for good in New York City came running back, clinging to my thighs, butt, arms, face, fingers and toes, back, and most of all, belly!

I'd like to mention that I also tried Nutrisystem in 2007. I'll never get over eating "meat products" that were stored in the closet of my Pocono apartment. I felt tricked. You shell out hundreds of dollars for this disgusting food only to have to spend more to supplement the meals with fresh foods. It seriously hampered the quality of my life! I felt run down and sick and lonely because I always had to eat solo in my apartment.

So here I am at a whopping ___ pounds (I'll fill that in after I weigh in at the orientation tonight!). The instruments in my toolbox this time around are the following:
-a desire to be healthier
-a desire for more energy
-a desire to be able to learn to play tennis
-a desire to hike on mountains
-a desire to eat foods that make me feel good
-a desire to love myself more and take better care of my body
-an extremely supportive husband who will love me the same at 150 pounds or 250 pounds
-a new, currently mysterious program at Drexel

So...Here we go!!!

Disclaimer: I'm not totally sure that I'll be accepted into the program (it will depend on how things go today!), so I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up, but damn, I really hope they take me! I'll have to figure out plan B if it doesn't work out.